


heart and mind

by ralf



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Communication, Domestic, Feelings, Fiercely Affectionate Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Married Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, it's hard to be rational when you're emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: The light of the candle catches on his wedding ring. His hand freezes in mid-air and a tendril of shocked unease curls in his stomach as realization hits him.Jace's wording wasn't as arbitrary as he'd thought, not at all. Alec isliterallydoing the work for two because usually Institutes are run by married couples, and while Alec is very much married Magnus is sharing none of his workload.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 432





	heart and mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Juh_Nunes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juh_Nunes/gifts).



> Gifting this fic to Juh_Nunes as a Thank You for graciously allowing me to draw inspiration from your fic [Workings of Fate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20571908/chapters/48836684) :D This little oneshot wouldn't exist otherwise.
> 
> FYI while I might be a bit distracted by another fandom recently (*cough* The Untamed *cough* go watch it, it's available on youtube and viki.com (and maybe even Netflix, depending on your country)) I'm definitely _not_ leaving the Shadowhunters fandom. My to-write-list is still way too long for that, haha.

“Head of the New York Institute's office, how can I help you?”

Magnus blinks at the unexpected voice that greets him. “...You're not Alec.”

Jace's laughter crackles through the line. “No, I'm not. He left a while ago. He should be with you soon.”

“I could have portaled him,” Magnus grumbles under his breath. It's half past six already and while he is hardly in a position to complain about Alec working long hours he destinctly remembers Alec promising him to be home in time for dinner this morning. Delaying their plans by the half hour it takes Alec to get home on foot seems like a tragic waste of time.

“That's what I told him but you know how he is. He didn't want to bother you.”

Magnus groans. “Will he ever see sense?”

“I wouldn't hold my breath,” Jace chuckles. “We'll just have to keep bullying him. If I hadn't kicked him out earlier he probably would still be here going through reports.”

Magnus can imagine it all too easily and he and Jace share a moment of fond resignation at Alec's Alecness. “Thanks for saving my husband from himself.”

“Gladly. He'll work for two if no one keeps a close eye on him. And there are honestly worse fates than being stuck with phone duty. No one ever calls anyway... except you.”

A smile tugs on Magnus's lips. He wonders if he should feel caught by that but he doesn't. It's not his fault he misses Alec throughout his workday and can't resist sneaking phone calls every now and then between clients.

Jace continues in a low voice, “Don't tell Alec this, but phone duty actually means playing games on my phone. I just cracked level 142 of Candy Crush before you called.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Magnus says with a chuckle. “I'll leave you to it then. Have a nice evening, Jace.”

“You too,” Jace replies and the line clicks off.

For a moment Magnus contemplates if he should call Alec to ask his location and portal him home immediately but then decides to get a headstart on dinner instead. He sets the table with a flick of his wrist, opting for red napkins and a candle because he's in the mood to indulge a bit. It's his turn to pick what takeout they get but he remembers how Alec mentioned craving Thai food all week and since he's feeling generous towards his hardworking husband the choice is made. As inconvenient as it is that Alec has to work so much Magnus can't help but feel a flame of pride burning in his chest. Alec doesn't just run the everyday operations at the Institute to keep the unsuspecting citizens of New York safe but also constantly works with the Clave, chipping away at the established structures to replace them with a progressive way of thinking. He's really doing the work for two.

Magnus lifts his hand to summon their food when the light of the candle catches on his wedding ring. His hand freezes in mid-air and a tendril of shocked unease curls in his stomach as realization hits him.

Jace's wording wasn't as arbitrary as he'd thought, not at all. Alec is _literally_ doing the work for two because usually Institutes are run by married couples, and while Alec is very much married Magnus is sharing none of his workload.

The newfound knowledge settles heavily in his gut. He never thought of this before. How? How could it have taken him until now to put the pieces together?

A wave of guilt washes over him but Magnus fights it off. Even if he tried, there's no way a warlock would be allowed to take on administrative duties in an Institute. The Clave would probably have a conniption if they knew that sometimes Alec lets him proof-read reports. He's already doing anything he reasonably can.

 _Oh really?_ a vicious voice whispers in the back of his mind, a voice he's all too familiar with. It's been his companion for centuries after all. _Until a minute ago you weren't even aware there's a duty you're neglecting. The least you could do is face your shortcomings instead of justifying them._

Magnus forcefully shoves the thoughts away. This way lies madness. He's a warlock and warlocks don't run Institutes. That is an irrefutable fact and despite his immortality it's unlikely he'll live to see a day when that changes. There is nothing he can do about this. He can't change what he is.

For a short moment Magnus wonders what his life would be like if he was a shadowhunter like Alec. They'd live at the Institute and run it together. They'd fight for change side by side, not on opposite fronts like they do now. They'd spend all their time together. Their life still wouldn't be easy, but some of their struggles would surely be no more.

It aches, to think of things that can never be.

Magnus closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. None of this matters. He loves their life just the way it is. He knows that Alec does, too.

And yet--

Thankfully his futile, spinning thoughts are interrupted by the more than welcome sound of Alec's footsteps in the hallway outside. Magnus goes to meet him at the door.

The smile that blooms on Alec's face when he sees him is the sweetest thing and lessens the brewing turmoil inside Magnus.

“Hi,” Magnus whispers and leans in to claim a thorough kiss that's equal parts to reassure himself and to calm his mind. When he draws back there's a delightful blush sitting on Alec's cheeks.

“Hey,” he answers, the slightest bit raspy. Magnus grins to himself and ushers him inside.

Alec shrugs off his quiver and sets his bow down by the door like he always does and Magnus can't help but give them a swift polish with a wave of his hand. It earns him a fond smile and Magnus basks in it for a moment before he inelegantly turns and makes for the dinner table. There's a subtle line of tiredness lingering around the corner of Alec's mouth and Magnus feels the outskirts of guilt nipping at his ankles again.

“How was your day?” he asks, conjouring their food while Alec diligently puts his jacket away.

“Long,” Alec sighs. “But infinitely better now.”

“Flatterer,” Magnus counters, the smile that had wavered staying on his lips.

They tuck into the dishes and Magnus demands to know about his day in earnest, so Alec dutifully gives account of the patrol he dropped in on and his staff member meeting and the mountains of paperwork still piling on his desk. When he tells Magnus about the annoyance of dealing with another prejudiced Clave delegate this afternoon Magnus almost retaliates with the story of the obnoxious customer he dealt with today, but he stops himself. Alec clearly has more than enough on his plate with his own work-related stress, he doesn't need to hear Magnus whine about his clients as well. And speaking of plates... Magnus magics more noodles onto Alec's. Alec huffs a laugh but digs in eagerly, continuing his tale.

They finish dinner and Alec gets up to do the dishes like he usually does but Magnus is reluctant to see him do chores when they could be getting cozy on the couch instead so he cleans and puts away their stuff with a wave of his hand. Alec looks at him with a question in his eyes but Magnus just blinks at him innocently and points to the couch with a grin.

Alec smiles. “Let me just change...” He trails off because Magnus has already snapped him into a pair of sweats and a soft shirt. Wasting no more time Magnus tugs Alec along and they settle on the couch, closely intertwined. Summoning a blanket over them and resting his head on Alec's shoulder Magnus lets out a content sigh. A feeling of _finally_ washes over him. He feels like they deserve a break. Like _Alec_ deserves a break.

They remain in peaceful quiet for a while, Alec's fingers tracing over Magnus's shoulder idly.

“You're awfully accommodating tonight,” Alec notes. “Is anything the matter?”

Damn Alec's perceptiveness. Magnus turns slightly to shoot him a charming smile. “Can't I spoil my husband a bit?”

Alec watches him for a long moment that stretches on and on. “Not when you look like that,” he eventually says, a tiny frown appearing between his brows. “What is it?”

 _What is what?_ Magnus reflexively wants to deflect, but he bites back the words. Glossing over this won't make it go away. He might be able to escape his nagging thoughts for a while but he knows himself well enough to realize the matter will keep coming back to him, insistently and unerringly, with only one way to get rid of it permanently.

And apart from that he doesn't _want_ to keep it from Alec. One of the things he cherishes most about them is that there's no need for secrets, for hiding vulnerabilities, for distance between them.

Even then, opening up isn't easy for him but the certainty that it will be worth it, that things will be _alright_ again the way they were before is what makes him find words.

“I..” He shakes his head. “Do you ever...” He breaks off with a sigh. Unfortunately wanting to say something and knowing how to say it aren't the same thing. “Don't you sometimes feel like I'm failing you? Institutes are normally run by couples.”

“What?” An incredulous breath escapes Alec alongside the word. It's exceedingly clear that this thought has never crossed his mind.

Magnus shrugs helplessly. He feels small. “If I wasn't...” He can't bring himself to say it. There where times when he loathed himself for what he was but he's more than come to terms with it. He's not that scared little boy anymore. And yet just the thought of saying it, of voicing something he once wished for leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. “If things where differently we'd be running your Institute together. You'd get to share the burden of leadership. I'd have your back every day.”

Alec stares at him, a deeply serious expression in his dark eyes. “Magnus,” he says slowly, his tone unmoving, booking no argument. “You do.” He cups Magnus's cheek, firm and tender. “I couldn't do what I do without you. Your support is invaluable.” His gaze darts over Magnus's face, searching for something. Seconds drag on. “You don't have to make up anything to me. You give me everything I need.” A pause. “Do you believe me?”

Magnus takes a long breath. Does he? It's hard not to, faced with the intense sincerity of Alec's everything. He knows Alec wouldn't lie to him. His words soothe the simmering tension that's stubbornly clawing at Magnus's insides, like a thick blanket smothering the cold on a winter's night. Magnus feels his heart grow lighter, his doubts melted by Alec's touch. But still a grain of nerves prevails.

“But your paperwork...” he protests weakly.

The corner of Alec's mouth twitches upwards. “Magnus. I have a secretary, you know? I can delegate things.” His thumb brushes over Magnus's cheek. “Full disclosure, I might still have to work more than the average Head of an Institute.” He shakes his head. “But I wouldn't change a thing, not about you and not about us. Nothing. I love you. And you wouldn't be you if you were something else.”

Magnus swallows around the lump of feelings in his throat. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Magnus smiles despite himself. “Yeah, okay.”

Alec nods. “And I've been doing fine. Word gets around. Lydia put in a formal request to have her application considered for the Lisbon Institute, referencing me. I think she has a real chance and that would have been unthinkable, before.”

_Before us._

Warmth blooms in Magnus's chest. He was so focused on his apprehension that he didn't stop to think what positive effects their unprecedented situation might have. The last of his concerns vanish and he leans softly into Alec's hand.

Alec smiles, gently touching their foreheads together. “Besides,” he whispers, “you know how much I love to show off my powerful and influential warlock husband.”

**Author's Note:**

> lydia is off living the best life, please and thank you :D


End file.
